Even in its longest days

"Sometimes you get sick, and you don't get better.  Life is short, even in its longest days." 

John Mellencamp © 2008

Its funny really, the way it sneaks up on you.  Funny in a cruel sort of way.  As children, our grandparents are larger than life.  They seem older than they are, more wise, and they are invincible.  Because as time marches on and we change so dramatically, there they stand, as they always were, have always stood.  Unchanged.  A little greyer, maybe.  A few laugh lines, sure.  But the whole remains the same.
Because to a five year old, fifty and eighty are much the same. [. Old, after all, is old ]

However, we grow up and we move away and time passes in the blink of an eye.  Suddenly, we are half way through our thirties, our forties.  And age means something so different.  Suddenly there is a yawning distance between fifty and eighty.  We gain a new respect for lofty numbers like 85, 90, 99, 102.  These numbers become hard to fathom. Old was once 50.  You have friends who never saw their thirties.  You hear stories of the kids your age who face down cancer and come out on the losing team.  [.You realize you are all not kids ]  

You've all got kids who are the age you were when you thought fifty was old.  [. You feel a slight awe now for those who make it to 95 ]

And one day you realize the rocks of your youth aren't infallible.  With time, water will carve a canyon into even the heartiest of mountains. Life has gotten in the way and you've been gone longer than you realize.  Laugh lines have turned to wrinkles.  Salt and pepper hair has gone snow white.  Or gone altogether.  The pillar who always stood so strong, never fell ill, is now crumbling.  [. A hollow shell of their old self ]

How do you reconcile in your mind the memory of who they were and who they are.  Because as much as you want to convince yourself all that has changed is the vessel, five minutes with them tells you that isn't so.  Someone once so strong is now so frail as to use a walking aid.  Someone once so vibrant now sits silently, engaging when prompted, but otherwise living silently in their mind.  [.The decades went faster than you realized ]

Alzheimer's is like that mountain water.  Slowly chipping away.  [. It has left a great chasm between you two, and the other side is now unrecognizable ]

Even still you think lots of people make it a while longer than this.  Alzheimer's isn't quick.  There still is time.  You pretend not to notice.  It's easier to pretend than it is to realize they are, in fact, a mere mortal, and their march toward death has quickened, even as their steps have slowed. They are only human, like you, like your friends.  [. They can leave you ]

They WILL leave you.  But it's best not to think about that.

Until the time comes when you can't deny it.  Maybe the Alzheimer's meds are no longer working.  Maybe a fall or a stroke.  Or a cancer.  Suddenly, it's very real.  There is not much time left.  And you know what time there is... it won't be like it was. Looking back, you realize it hasn't been like it was for quite a while.  [. Perspective looking back is always sharper than looking forward ]

Nothing lasts forever.
Your best efforts don't always pay.
Sometimes you get sick
                            and you don't get better.
Life is short.
                                   EVEN in its longest days.
Longest Days