Suffisante

"Hey, your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why don't you let me take you?
It's no good to go alone

I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
And after all the bullshit I've heard
Refreshing not to see
That I don't have to pretend
She doesn't expect it from me"

Good Enough- Sarah McLachlan

Two hours after I leave her office the blank page still stares at me, daring me to put into words everything we just talked over. Everything still left inside. 

Your glass is empty

 Just like the page. 

"The door is open, come on outside
No, I can't come out today"

You see, it's a helluva long way home. 

If you can even go home. What is home to someone rootless. 

And the gas tank is on E. Your glass is empty. 

[You] are empty. 

Are you empty if you feel full of bees? or wasps? How can you be on E, when your brain is full of worms.

So once a week you sit down, and try to excavate what the fuck is in there. But you come up empty. And every question yawns before you without a concrete answer. Why sit on the therapist's couch and tug at strings that hold everything in so nicely. Your brain is like Oogie Boogie, you pull one thread, and everything comes apart at the seams. And they will know. 

It's all just a bag of worms. 

A facade.

 Like a bright colored bird in the wild. 

All flash. No substance. A distraction.

Good.

[ but not good enough ]

And you have to sit with that. Marinate in it. You're supposed to let the feelings come. Examine them. 

It feels like asking a viper to set up a nest in your living room. 

Its there. Watching you. Waiting. Seeing how close you'll get. 

And there you stand in the corner. Watching it watching you. Waiting. Knowing if you set one foot out of line, it could strike. 

Not could.

 Will.

You've watched it flare its hood just from the safe sofa in that office. Miles away. And you're inviting it into your home. 

"Why don't you let me take you?
It's no good to go alone"

That's all you know. All you've ever known. Alone in a room full of thousands. Why change now? 

hey. your glass is empty.

No. it's not. it's full of bees. or wasps. or worms. and there's a viper in the room. 

"It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid?
You're shaken to the bone"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

You open the door and all you find is a mirror.